Eigentlich wollte ich schon tagelang einen neuen Blogpost schreiben. Etwas Inspirierendes, etwas Schönes, sommlich – sonniges. Doch irgendwie passt das im Augenblick nicht so recht in diese Situation. Ich fühle mich hilflos und leer.
Zum einen haben sich hier viele Baustellen aufgetan. Einige schließen sich wieder, andere werden wohl niemals fertig werden. Ich stehe davor und frage mich, wohin führt der Weg? Wohin führt mein Weg? Wohin führt unser aller Weg?
Manchmal ist man irgendie überfordert mit allen Aufgaben, die das Leben an einen stellt. Man hält inne und überlegt, welches wohl der nächste Schritt ist.
Heute früh las ich dann auf Instagram folgenden Spruch:
EIN STÜCK DES WEGES LIEGT HINTER DIR, EIN ANDERES STÜCK HAST DU NOCH VOR DIR. WENN DU VERWEILST, DANN NUR UM DICH ZU STÄRKEN UND NICHT UM AUFZUGEBEN.
Wie so oft im Leben findet man in solchen Sprüchen Bestätigung und Trost. Man erkennt, man ist auf all seinen Wegen nicht allein unterwegs. Oft ist man aber so sehr mit seinen eigenen Dingen beschäftigt, dass einem der Blick für das Wesentliche fehlt.
Doch sind die eigenen Probleme wirklich so gewaltig und groß, wie die der anderen? Sind das Probleme oder nur Herausforderungen? Und in welchem Verhälnis stehen die Dinge zueinander?
Gerade nach diesem Wochenende stelle ich mir diese Fragen. Was ist mein eigenes Kuddelmuddel gegen all die Sorgen und Ängste derer, die unmittelbar betroffen sind von den jüngsten Anschlägen.
Wie können wohl die Angehörigen der Opfer mit diesem Berg an Wut, Fassungslosigkeit und Trauer in diesem Moment fertig werden? Können sie Trost finden in all den Worten und Bekundungen aus ihrem näheren Umfeld, von Politikern, von ebenfalls Betroffenen?
Meine Sorgen und Probleme erscheinen plötzlich klitzeklein, als ich erfahre, dass Schüler unserer Schule hier in Berlin ebenfalls auf der Parade in Nizza waren. Zum Glück auf der anderen Seite. Sie waren auf dem Weg zu einem fröhlichen Fest. Sie gingen 10 Minuten bevor der Anschlag geschah. Einem Schüler wurde schlecht. Sie verließen das Fest. Gerade noch rechtzeitig. Was dann geschah wissen wir.
Diese Schüler waren unwissentlich auf dem richtigen Weg zur rechten Zeit. Ihnen ist nichts passiert. Körperlich jedenfalls nicht. Doch sie sind schockiert. Was ist mit der Seele? Welche Narben wird das hinterlassen? Diese ewige Frage nach dem WARUM?
Diese jungen Menschen lebten in Nizza im gleichen Hotel, wie die Opfer aus Berlin. Eine Lehrerin und zwei Schülerinnen. Sie kehrten nicht lebendig zurück, wie unsere Schüler gestern Abend. Sie hinterlassen trauernde, fassungslose Menschen. Ihnen wird heute im Berliner Dom gedacht. Ihnen und allen anderen Opfern und deren Angehörigen.
Vor unserer Schule waren die Flaggen auf Halbmast. Das heutige Sommerfest ist abgesagt worden. Seelsorger sind vor Ort. Die Schulgemeinschaft kann sich in Kondolenzbücher eintragen. Alle sind traurig, verängstigt und verunsichert. Wie geht das weiter? Welches ist der nächste Schritt?
Ein fröhlicher Ausflug sollte das sein, schrieb die Direktorin unserer Schule. Nun erlebten die Schüler unmittelbar, dass der Terror nicht weit weg ist, sondern ganz nah dran.
Mir wird eiskalt, wenn ich daran denke. Ich habe am Wochenende unglaublich viele Kommentare bekommen. Viele von Euch haben Angst. Viele spüren bereits eine Veränderung an sich, an ihrem Verhalten. Da sind Misstrauen und Verunsicherung. Viele haben Angst um ihre Kinder.
Sollten wir wirklich weitermachen, wie bisher? Unsere Leben leben und denen trotzen, die uns unserer Freiheit berauben wollen? Wie können wir uns schützen?
Ich neige nicht dazu die Dinge mit mir selbst auszumachen. Ich rede. Ich rede viel und ich habe viele Menschen, die mir zuhören. Sie geben mir Halt und Feedback. Sie unterstützen mich und geben mir Impulse, in welche Richtung ich mich bewegen könnte, wenn ich nicht weiterweiß. Doch in dieser Sache bin auch ich uneins. Ja, auch ich habe Angst und Sorge. Doch ich versuche mich an den schönen Dingen des Lebens zu erfreuen. Auch wenn es in Zeiten wie diesen schwerfällt! Das ist mein Weg, den ich nach einer Pause einschlagen möchte. Ich möchte nicht aufgeben. Das liegt nicht in meiner Natur.
Doch jeder Mensch und jeder Blickwinkel ist anders. Ein Patentrezept gibt es leider nicht. Und im Augenblick stehen wir alle hilf- und ratlos da.
Wie schrieb eine Leserin nach den Anschlägen in Paris?
ICH FÜRCHTE MICH SCHON VOR DEM NÄCHSTEN
#PRAY.
Wie Recht sie hatte. Es folgten viel zu viele #PRAY.
In welche Richtung mein Weg am Ende führen wird, weiß ich noch nicht. Niemand von uns weiß das so genau. Wir können es nur erahnen. Die Richtung wird leider zu oft von anderen umgelenkt. Doch wir sollten auf keinen Fall aufgeben. Wir sollten weitergehen, nachdem wir neue Kraft geschöpft haben. Denn wir haben die Wahl und die Kraft und den Willen weiterzugehen. Noch gibt es einen Weg.
Manch Weg ist wahrlich kein leichter. Es gibt viele Hindernisse und Abzweigungen. Lasst ihn uns trotzdem beschreiten.
In Gedenken an all die sinnlosen Opfer von blindem Hass.
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