Kennt Ihr das? Jahrelang hat man auf ein bestimmtes Ziel, eine bestimmte Position hingearbeitet. Endlich steht man am Ziel seines Erfolges und dann…? Die große Ernüchterung, Einschüchterung, manchmal sogar Angst vor dem Versagen, Angst vor dem was kommen wird oder vielleicht sogar alles zusammen. Statt sich zu freuen, stolz zu sein auf das Erreichte, zieht man sich zurück und hardert.
- „Schaffe ich das?“
- „Werde ich den Anforderugen gerecht?“
- „Was erwartet man jetzt bloß von mir?“
- „Kann ich das?“
- „Ist das jetzt alles?“
- „Und was kommt jetzt?“
Statt Euphorie und Enthusiasmus lähmt einen gähnende Leere. Tiefstapeln ist die Devise, denn wer nicht viel anbietet, von dem wird auch nicht Übermenschliches erwartet. Gerade Frauen sind in dieser Disziplin Weltmeisterinnen. Sich unter Wert verkaufen, das können wir prima.
„Klar, ich schaffe das mit Links!“, wird wohl fast jede von uns behaupten, wenn zu Haushalt, Kinder versorgen, Job und Einkauf, obendrein der Liebste fragt, ob man nicht den Werstatttermin auch noch übernehmen könnte. Eigentlich weiß man gar nicht, wo einem der Kopf steht. Schließlich wollen Geschirrspüler und Waschmaschine auch noch befüllt werden. Wenn man dann Abends auf die Couch sinkt, fallen einem einfach nur noch die Augen zu. Verständlich! „Danke, dass Du das gewuppt hast!“, sagt meist niemand. Man motivert sich selbst zum Weitermachen. Und man funktioniert.
Das ist oft wenig motivierend und nicht selten kommt man sich statt gebraucht, völlig nutzlos und überflüssig vor!
„Sie wollen mehr Gehalt?“, fragt der Chef lässig in seinen Sessel gelümmelt, der natürlich um einiges höher ist, als der kleine Stuhl, auf dem wir unbequem vor seinem Schreibtisch hocken. Klar kommt da nur ein kleinlautes: „Ich dachte, ich hätte es verdient…!“ zustande.
Man fühlt sich wie eine Bittstellerin und merkt gar nicht, in welche Position uns das clevere Gegenüber manövriert hat. Mit hochgezogenen Augenbrauen wird er uns einen Bruchteil dessen anbieten, von dem was wir uns erträumt haben und wir werden brav „Danke“ sagen. Im Herzen tief enttäuscht über die Geringschätzung, doch nach außen hin stark und teflonbeschichtet. Die Enttäuschung prallt an uns ab und wir machen weiter.
Spätestens hier muß man sich fragen: „Was will ich?“
Die/der eine oder andere Leser/in wird sich jetzt fragen, warum schreibt die Steffi das ganze Zeug?
Ganz einfach! Ich habe es nur zu oft miterlebt. Erst kürzlich saß ich mit einer Freundin zusammen, die einen sehr guten Job angenommen hatte. Gut bezahlt, eingenverantwortlich und mit großem Ansehen. Nach dem ersten WOW!!! kam der große JAMMER!!!
„Ich schaffe dies nicht…, ich ersticke dort…, wie soll ich das denn auch noch machen,…ich habe keine Zeit mehr für…, mein Mann liegt mir in den Ohren,…ist das der richtige Weg,…wie lange kann ich das aushalten,…!!!???
Geduldig hörte ich mir das bei diversen Kaffees und Gläsern Wein an. Ich beriet und tröstete. Ich schimpfte über die Anforderungen und litt brav mit ihr. Doch irgendwie wurde mir klar, das ist der falsche Ansatz. Sie wollte diesen Job. Jahrelang! Unbedingt!! Es war ihr großer Traum und sie hatte dafür auf vieles verzichtet und noch mehr investiert. Ich sah ihr tief in die Augen.
„Was willst Du? Du hast jetzt alles was Du Dir erträumt hast! Sei stolz auf Dich und das , was Du erreicht hast! Verändere den Focus und Du wirst sehen, Du stehst auf der Sonnenseite!“, sagte ich zu ihr.
Im ersten Augenblich wollte sie das natürlich nicht hören, das Jammertal tat doch nur zu gut, doch schon ein paar Minuten später sah sie ein, dass man die Dinge von der positiven Seite betrachten sollte. Klar funktioniert das nicht 24 Stunden am Tag und 365 Tage im Jahr! Aber es rückt zumindest den Blickwinkel zurecht. Jammern oder Jubeln, das sollte stets die Frage sein.
In der Arbeitswelt hatte ich oft solche Situationen. Insbesondere der Tisch meines Chefs, (er ist im echten Leben einen halben Kopf kleiner, als ich) ist mir gut bekannt. Er bat zur Audienz an seinem überdimensionierten Schreibtisch und thronte auf einem hohen Sessel. Sein Gegenüber versank in einem weichgepolsterten Sesselchen, leicht nach hinten geneigt und viel zu niedrig für den Schreibtisch.
Bei meinem ersten Termin in seiner opulenten Bleibe versank ich demütig im weichen Polster. Ich konnte meinen Chef kaum sehen und fühlte mich sehr unkonfortabel in meiner fast liegenden Postion. Wie sollte ich mich positionieren, wenn ich keine Haltung bewahren konnte? Amüsiert blickte mein Chef auf mich hinab. Das machte mich derart wütend, dass ich mich sogleich auf die Kante meines Sesselchens hievte, meine Ellenbogen auf den Schreibtisch wuchtete und ihm nicht ohne Respekt mit fester Stimme, tief in die Augen blickend fragte: „Bin ich hier um zu schlafen oder um zu verhandeln?“
Ich war mutig und ergriff die Chance, meinen Wert und meinen Standpunkt klarzumachen. Es war nicht ungefährlich, aber als kleines Mäuschen wollte ich auf gar keinen Fall wahrgenommen werden.
Ich bekam schließlich, was ich wollte, wenn auch auf die Gefahr hin, meinen Job zu riskieren. Doch ich bekam statt dessen Anerkennung. Künftig trafen wir uns zu Besprechungen am Koferenztisch, auf Augenhöhe…!
Was ich sagen möchte ist, macht Euch nicht klein. Macht Euch groß und seid Euch Eurer Stärken bewußt. Manchmal öffnet ein bisschen Mut Türen und Ihr werdet feststellen, dass ein bisschen frech auch wirklich weiterbringt. Es stärkt auch das Selbstbewußtsein ungemein. Denn wer lächelt und beschwingt ist, wirkt weniger zerbrechlich!
Mein Mann erzählte mir kürzlich von den sogenannten MILLENIALS. Junge Leute im Job, die nicht nur nach Macht und Geld streben sondern ebenfalls eine Menge Wert auf Ihre Freizeit legen. Sie sind sich ihres Wertes bewußt und wissen alle Seiten des Lebens zu genießen. Ich finde, man sollte sich davon eine Scheibe abschneiden. Denn siehe, diese Leute sind in den Dingen die sie tun durchaus erfolgreich und wesentlich entspannter als mancher, der sich am Spatzen in der Hand einfach nicht erfreuen kann.
Oh, Steffi wie recht Du hast. Bin zur Zeit in einer Gesprächstherapie und habe ein neues Motto “ wenn Du den Menschen suchst der Dein Leben verändert, dann schau in den Spiegel
Und was soll ich sagen, es funktioniert immer besser
LG deine Daniela
Liebe Daniela,
ich finde das gut. Bleib unbedingt auf diesem Weg und Du wirst sehen, dass jeden Tag die Sonne etwas mehr für Dich lacht! Alles Liebe.
Deine Steffi
Haha, Dein Chef, ich stell mir das mal grad so vor – und dann Du mit den Ellenbogen auf seinem Schreibtisch – Auge um Auge….
Ich ( zugegebenermaßen äußerst frech und selbstbewußt) kam zu solchen Events immer im doch etwas kürzeren Rock auf hohen Absätzen mit meinen extrem langen Beinen, schraubte mich aus dem Sessel und stakte dozierend durch den Raum mit der Begründung, ich stehe lieber.
Oder stellte mich rednerpultmäßig hinter das Sesselchen –
Blick von oben auf das Haupthaar.
Wer heißt mich so sitzen ?
Das muß man sich trauen, reicht ja auch die Begründung – auf diesem Sesselchen sitzt man nicht gut.
Es ist immer das alte Spiel – Männer und Frauen – Macht und „Ohnmacht“. Oben und unten.
Ach so – ich komme aus den neuen Ländern. Das ist ein anderer Film und hoffentlich haben wir nicht alle unser Selbstbewußtsein abgelegt.
Mach weiter so, liebe Steffi
herzlichst
Barbara
Liebe Barbara,
hört sich ebenfalls lustig und selbstbewußt an. Leider hätte die Nummer nicht funktioniert, der Herr war und ist den Reizen der Damenwelt nicht zugetan…! Da mußte ich andere Register ziehen. Es hat ja auch so funktioniert und ich war entsprechend stolz auf das Ergebnis.
Man kann nur jedem raten, bleib Dir selbst treu und sei Dir bewußt, was Du wert bist, ganz egal woher Du kommst. Nur so kommt Frau weiter, Mann übrigens auch…;)!
Ganz lieben Dank für Deinen Kommentar und ganz liebe Grüße.
Da hast Du absolut recht, meine Liebe, ich bin ja mit meiner Art auch genug angeeckt – smile !
Alles Liebe
Barbara
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